So far grackles with all black feathers and black beaks are the only birds I see, along with pigeons and doves. Keep seeing an airplane flying west, got another visit from a huge crow today, grackles - question #19657

flying past me and in front of my face everywhere. A huge hawk suddenly appeared flying towards an apartment complex that was called George. Felt compelled to watch The Birds, which had large flocks of crows and sea gulls, and the little girl, played by Veronica Cartwright, had a pair of lovebirds. I saw an image of two beautiful parrots with red feathers on their heads preening each other too. Have run entirely out of money and cannot tell my family why. Last weekend I tried to kill myself with an overdose and I had a mini stroke and was told today I have been having mini strokes for quite some time. And on a heart monitor, now there is something bad wrong with my heart. Will be paid a lot less this week, because the hospital stay made me miss a day of work. Banks can't help me with a loan, no money to put into an account to start one.Can't tell my family because of the situation with Jordan Valderaz. Who suddenly vanished after Friday evening(well Friday evening here anyways) and he has vanished. Not responding to messages. My mother is ignoring my heart issue and trying to force a confession out of me, but in case it is Jordan I am talking to and his story is somehow very true I don't want to screw up his plans to return home. I can't be living in terror at home, never ending fight of flight at home where she gets mad at me for having heart issues. Will this horror ever ever end for me? Is he on his way home to me? I'd give anything to wake up in the morning and see his smiling face at my front door. He said he for sure will be here by thanksgiving. Where IS HE? Why is my life just constant living in terror and fight of flight with my family? Will I end up killing myself, having a major stroke or heart attack that kills me? At this rate I sure hope I do because death is my only way out 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭